The Holistic Fair in Fort Worth is an event that hosts alternative practitioners, and those promoting holistic wellness. The biggest draw to me is just the idea. What do alternative practitioners do? Who are they? What do they look like, and what is this all about? These were the questions begging to be answered and which sucked me right in. I had to attend. Explaining what alternative practitioners do is not the focus of this blog; however, the lesson I learned by attending is.
I presented the question: What can I do to be a better mother? The practitioner looked away and thought for a second then responded “Love yourself more.” We proceeded to talk about what it means to love yourself, including the need to “forgive yourself.” I explained how some kind of deeply rooted, genetically inherited, out of this lifetime, anger does exists in me that I have to constantly harbor, and this makes it hard for me to love and forgive myself. My life is so wonderful, I have no justifiable reason to be so easily disappointed with myself.
I continued to explain to her that we all have those parenting moments that we’d rather forget. Most of mine are related to losing my cool. You ask your kids to do something once…twice…three times with a threat, then the parental bulging eyes and ear smoke start. Every parent experiences post freak out remorse and depression—how on earth am I to forgive myself for these parenting fails? For exposing my children to my anger?
To answer my question, she took me through a very simple breathing exercise. Then she led me in a mantra that brought me to tears. I had to repeat “I forgive myself for exposing my children to this anger” over and over until I believed it. I literally thought I’d never actually believe it, and I might as well give up…then after about 5 minutes I started to believe it. At that point, I understood slightly what it may mean to love myself more. We continued to talk about God’s eternal love and how it relates to the love we need to have for ourselves.
Another simple exercise illustrates this clearly: Make a list of things you hate about yourself. My hate list is about a mile long and I constructed it with ease…Next, make a list of the things you love about yourself. After thinking for 10 minutes I came up with three things.
How do we heal ourselves? The answer may be to first figure out how to love yourself. For me it started with forgiving myself for being…human.
Holistic Fair FB page: https://www.facebook.com/theholisticfair.